From the perspective of a father:
- Words do, in fact, project from your mouth when you speak. The rest of us can hear them.
- Your suspicions are correct. He is brain damaged. But it isn’t permanent. Boys have been growing into men for centuries, albeit with debatable results.
- He’s not ADD, he just can’t focus on anything.
- Explaining how to load the dishwasher eight hundred and forty-six times still isn’t enough. But he will eventually master it… once he’s out of the house.
- Other parents don’t think less of you if your son can’t tie his shoes at eighteen. That lesson is expected to fall upon his wife.
- Speaking of shoes, if you get two weeks’ wear out of a pair, you are doing well. Remember, they used to just go barefoot… which isn’t such a bad idea.
- All boys’ sneakers smell that bad. If you’re able to quell the stench of his room down to the level of a gym locker after summertime football practice, consider it a job well done.
- You have to laugh at his dorky jokes. It’s a rule. Courtesy laughs are the socially acceptable staple of many a mother.
- Spelling tests are sexist and weighted to boost girls’ self-esteem. Show me a boy who can spell, and I’ll show you a type A mother living vicariously through her son.
- “I don’t know,” is a perfectly acceptable answer because, chances are, he really-really has no clue why he did it.
- “I can’t remember,” carries ninety percent truth, even when he’s certain of the matter.
- Yes, you will miss him when he’s gone.